How to Protect Your Mental Health Postpartum
Bringing home a new baby can be one of the most beautiful transitions in life, but it can also be one of the most challenging. You might expect the sleepless nights and endless diapers, but sometimes the part that comes most unexpectedly is the toll it can take on your mental and emotional well-being. Between hormonal changes, physical recovery, shifting identities, and the pressure to "do it all," it's common to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally exhausted during the postpartum phase. Sometimes the advice of “sleep when the baby sleeps” just isn’t cutting it when you are feeling like you are drowning. The good news is, there are some small shifts that you can make to help support your mental health as you adjust to life with a new baby.
1. Practice Self Compassion
First, it is easy to focus on all the things that you aren’t doing well postpartum. However, continuing to feed those thoughts likely isn’t serving the purpose you want it to. You can’t shame yourself into being a better mom. Remember that you are still a human who is growing and evolving, just like your baby. When you catch yourself talking down on yourself, ask yourself if that is something you would say to a friend. If the answer is no, don’t say it to yourself. You can find more exercises to help you practice self-compassion here.
2. Manage Expectations
As a mom, there is so much noise about what you “should” or “should not” be doing. Between hearing advice from people you know, advice from people on the internet that you don’t know, and all the societal expectations that are put on moms, it can be really hard to make even the smallest decisions about how to move forward. This also often results in feeling a lot of unnecessary pressure and exhaustion from trying to keep up with expectations that may not even be serving you. Examine the expectations you are putting on yourself by asking yourself these questions:
Where did this expectation come from? (ie. is it something that is actually important to me or did I automatically adopt it from somewhere or someone else?)
Is it serving me in this moment?
If the answer to number 2 is no, what is a more flexible way that I can show up that aligns with my values and also protects my mental health?
For example, if the expectation is “I need all my dishes to be done every night before I go to sleep”, the answers might be something like this:
My parents always made me do the dishes before I went to bed every night, or maybe I feel like the dishes being done means I am a “good” mom.
No, this is not serving me because I am exhausted and want to relax at night before having to be up with the baby.
To protect my physical and mental health, I can delegate the dishes to a partner or support person, I can use paper and plastic for a while, or I can do the dishes when I wake up in the morning and have more energy.
Expectations are supposed to serve you, not the other way around. You are allowed to give yourself more grace and let go of the things that aren’t working for you. Just like we don't expect babies to be able to run right after birth, new moms need time and space to develop too. We shouldn’t expect ourselves to “do it all” right off the bat.
3. Protect your alone time
This one is often the most difficult for many moms. When it already feels difficult to step away long enough to take a shower, it can feel even more impossible to do anything for yourself. Let your goal be as small and achievable as possible, and work up from there. You might start with driving five minutes down the road to get a drink or a treat, or maybe just taking a walk around the neighborhood while someone cares for the baby. These small acts of prioritizing yourself will compound over time and make it easier to invest more into yourself as time goes on. When you are in the thick of postpartum, it can be easy for all your time and energy to be poured into your baby or other household tasks, but you deserve to pour into yourself as well. Time alone allows your nervous system to rest, your mind to slow down, and your identity to exist outside of the role of "mom." Most importantly, remember that taking time away and needing a break does not mean you love your baby any less.
4. Make Space for Your Feelings
Just like taking time to yourself doesn’t mean you love your baby any less, it is also true that just because you experience difficult feelings postpartum does not make you a bad mom. Remember that two things can be true at once. You can love your baby more than anything in the world, and still miss the freedom that you had before. You can enjoy a contact nap while also feeling a little trapped having to sit in the same position for hours. You can cherish your time feeding them and also feel annoyed when you have to wake up again for the fifth time that night. The problem isn’t the difficult emotion, the problem is the story we tell ourselves when those emotions come up. When we can separate our emotions from our abilities as parents, it takes the pressure off. Showing up as you are (difficult feelings and all) is enough. Remember that you can still strive to live a life aligned with the kind of parent you want to be even if you’re not “enjoying every moment”.
To Sum it All Up…
The postpartum period is a time of tremendous change, growth, and adjustment. While it's natural to experience challenges along the way, struggling does not mean you're failing as a mother. Protecting your mental health by practicing self-compassion, managing expectations, protecting your alone time and making space for your feelings can make a meaningful difference during this season of life. At the same time, it's important to remember that you don't have to navigate postpartum challenges on your own. If feelings of anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, irritability, or disconnection are making it difficult to enjoy daily life or care for yourself, reaching out for support is an important step. Therapy can provide a safe space to process what you're experiencing, cope with all the stress, and feel more like yourself again. You deserve support just as much as your baby does, and getting help when you need it can be one of the most important investments you make in your well-being and your family's future. If you're looking for postpartum therapy in Mesa, AZ, or online throughout Arizona and Oklahoma, reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if therapy would be a good fit for you.
Other Postpartum Resources:
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline 1-833-TLC-MAMA
Postpartum Support International www.postpartum.net
Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance www.mmhla.org